The Black and White

 By: Bridget Pouliot

Everyone says high school flies by. They tell you to be present in the moment and enjoy it – as it races past you in a blinding mirage of colors and you try to grab onto the words and memories you wish to hold forever.

No one tells you how weird it is to watch from the outside as things change. 

As things end. 

As what once was you crying over your favorite seniors – the kids who took you in and made adjusting easier – transforms into you hugging the freshmen you impacted. The words you sobbed to your chorus teacher when she asked why you were crying – “they made me love them” – may be true even now, but this time, for 9th graders in regards to you.

Almost 15 years ago, I walked into Pilgrim High School for the first time. These were the first – very tiny – steps into a building I could’ve never imagined would change my life in the way it did. Now, I’m mere moments away from taking my last steps in Pilgrim – probably not forever, as my mom is still here, but as a student.

The day I shadowed Allie Howlett – one of my closest friends to this day – was the last day for the class of 2022. It’s funny, because while that was a bit of a weird day to choose to shadow, it was almost the perfect day. The seniors did speeches in the chorale advisory and while I didn’t know most of these people – I only knew Brianna Callahan – I was tearing up with the other students. That was the community I wanted to be a part of when I got to high school. 

When I shadowed Allie Howlett, I was awkward and terrified – a shadow behind her, and partially behind Brodie McKay (I followed him for half of the day because Allie had a blood drive), who kept looking back at me like I was gonna disappear into the crowd behind him and he’d later find me having an anxiety attack. Maybe I was. But I kept thinking about that community.

A few months passed and I auditioned for chorale during advisory on the second Wednesday of the school year. The announcements interrupted my song and I was recovering from an illness that took me out for days before – story of my life – but I auditioned. And I made it in – not that I knew initially because I completely missed my name on the list, despite it being one of only six names that were in bold, and I was walking away defeated when Allie Howlett came over and went, “Congrats, Bridge!” 

I’ve learned a lot from high school. I could tell you what the Pythagorean Theorem is or I can explain what my favorite response to “what’s up?” means like I have to do with so many of my peers (apparently, many of us do not know what a preposition is). But, if there’s anything I’ve learned that I think is the most important lesson, it’s that growth is not linear. 

If there was a graph of my growth throughout high school, it wouldn’t have a consistent slope. It would be a bizarre picture of high highs, low lows, and some steady forward motion at times. And that’s okay. 

I’m really grateful for everyone who’s stuck by me as I’ve grown in high school. 

I’m grateful for my science teachers; for those who watched me struggle through equations, yet thrive while writing a story about the life of a carbon atom. I appreciated how they took the time to explain stuff to me and answer my questions, and supported me in my outside-the-classroom endeavors. 

I’m grateful for my social studies teachers; the ones I’ve had the chance to take a class from and the ones I’ve learned valuable lessons from outside of the classroom. I wasn’t always a history nerd, but when your school’s history department is filled with such incredible people, it’s hard not to become one.

I’m grateful for my math teachers, who’ve all heard me say I’m not a math brain and who’ve understood this to be true after having me in class. I am grateful for your patience and support, especially when I got sick and missed days at a time.

I’m grateful for my English teachers; for how they’ve challenged and changed me. I loved every English class I’ve taken at Pilgrim, and some of my best pieces of writing have come out of those rooms. I loved reading Shakespeare and how they’d all be excited about projects they had planned; projects I often ended up loving. 

I’ve said this one a million times before, but I’m grateful for Mrs. Soares. If anyone has been there for the highest highs and the lowest lows, it’s her. I’m grateful for the environment she creates in her program. 

I’m grateful for every other teacher I’ve had and talked to at Pilgrim; from my incredible class advisor to my technology teachers to Mr. Pratt and Mr. Reed for all of their help with my ears to Mr. Denningham and Mr. Dussault for being awesome club advisors, and to Pilgrim’s admin team for their support over these past four years. 

And I’m grateful for Dr. Xiarhos. I’m grateful for how he brought back the paper and for how he allowed me to write. There was nothing more special than finding out he wanted me to be an Editor-in-Chief this year. I’m grateful for his time and his feedback, and for everything else over the last two years. 

And to anyone who is reading this or has read any of my pieces in the past, thank you. I wrote thirty articles over the course of two years, and I’m grateful for every person who stopped me in the halls to tell me they loved one, emailed me, or kept it to themself. I am just glad I got to write and share the beauty of the school, the world, and reflection with others.

If I could find any words that could express my gratitude and describe the weight of the appreciation I’m feeling better, I would use them. But I haven’t been able to yet.

I don’t remember the very first time I walked into Pilgrim. But I do remember the last steps I took in the building as a student. And I remember the people who helped me on my path to get there. So, for all the high highs, the low lows, and the personal growth, thank you, Pilgrim.